Worry About YOURSELF !!!!!

 

This webpage will be about MY JOURNEY and all that it encompasses.

Bloggers nowadays are paid to sample and give opinions and as others (old school Bloggers) are noticing- The core of what we once were has diminished.

I’m an emotional person so my emotions will leak onto this screen as well as my struggles, YES I STRUGGLE TOO ✊🏾

It seems lately- everyone is struggling. The minute I get ahead, I receive a phone call asking for help.. The old me- would give, even if I had NOTHING for myself! I would overdraft my account, miss bills, and scramble to pay rent (Always on time though! Well late twice in my life ways🙏🏾) – Doing this would cripple me- but, I guess I felt guilty for being the one who HAD MONEY. 😔 As I slowly began to say no or I DONT HAVE IT- I noticed people became standoffish. Especially- if I decided to make a post about shopping or doing something for me and mine.

Im here to tell you, although easier said than done- DONT FEEL GUILTY FOR LIVING YOUR LIFE! Because they wouldn’t. I’ve had family ask me for money and I would say I don’t have any- then the minute I post something new- the shade came 🌂. When you say you don’t have- understand that means, you don’t have, to give! Simple, whatever they assume is just that! Saying you don’t have is not indicative of saying you’re broke. I don’t have extra for you! I may want to do something for myself and by helping you, especially in cases where you won’t be paid back, can backfire when you need that ” extra” you gave away.

I still have those that I will give -but never my last, ever again!

This is not a shot at ANYONE- although, this month has been the ask RI- month.

It sounds fucked up to say but, it’s a rough patch that the strong will overcome. Not what anyone wants to hear though 😕.

I’ll give you a brief history of RI and her old financial status.

18 I moved into my own apt 1 month before my HS graduation. It was great I felt independent and accomplished.. I asked my sister if she wanted to come with me since my mother was contemplating leaving my father and moving in with my aunt who wasn’t so nice to us growing up (We were fat lil girls with a mom who was the family black sheep). My sister came along and with our two PathMark jobs we maintained as best we could but often leaning on my parents to assist with bills. After living in this home for a year- a year of hell from a landlord that should’ve been thankful to have well-behaved quiet 18 and 21 year old ladies renting from them.. ANYWAY- that’s a whole nother’ story!!!

We had to move out of the home and where did we go- TO MY AUNTS HOUSE! We slept on the floor and were treated worst than the dog she had..

I began to contemplate suicide and entered into a HUGE depression- being verbally abused and treated as if I was an enemy in the presence of my aunt forced me to get out of the binds that held me. I was working for RadioShack at that time and I decided to see if they had a transfer program… THEY DID!! I was the top salesperson- so, I was told choose a place and I could go.. I started to think. Where could I go and not be broke on my salary? I thought about ATL but I was over the city life so I chose Macon, GA.

Fast forward RadioShack had a few store closures and I decided to jump ship. I went to GEICO and BOOM- I was hired. After, I told a few RS friends so they could better themselves.

I was 20 when I  relocated to Macon Ga… yikes! I know 🙂 But I loved it there! Any who, I was  making close to 60k before I left GEICO. I had a beautiful 2 bedroom apt, 1 credit card and a brand new 2007 Ford Fusion. As I began to rise there were people who needed. My mom hit a rough patch and my sister went away to college. I gave as much as I could- sometimes too much – but knowing what struggle feels like you want to pay it forward / or backward shall I say. Giving them what you WISH someone would’ve given you.

I fell in-love so I though and missed my fam and friends. So what happened next? I  moved back to NYC. Worst decision EVER!!! I couldn’t transfer once I got to NY because my old supervisor never gave in the two week notice I gave her while in GA- this made it appear that I abandoned my job- LE SIGHHH!!

I eventually broke up with my LESSON (EX), jumped house to house sleeping on floors and gaining hella weight (387 at my heaviest). I had friends who were doing well that never offered to help. I guess looking back I can understand to some degree- just because you’re doing bad doesn’t mean I am. They showed empathy and gave encouragement but never jumped to pull me out of what I was in. Another lesson learned.

So now at 23 I believe, with no beau, a vehicle repossession and credit card that was maxed out in addition to past due- with no place to call home, I moved back in with my mom and dads(who seem to never be apart too long). I searched for a job to no avail and after praying my ass off until my knees blistered. I applied for a job at Mickey D’s and BK- I HAD HIT MY ROCK BOTTOM!

Now im not saying these are horrible places to work but from where I started then to where I progressed it was a major blow to my pride. I set up an interview and at the moment surrendered all the hurt, disappoint and ego I had left in me and asked God to please just shine on me. I kid you not when I lifted my head my prepaid cell phone rung and it was “Unlce Sam” offering me a job in ATL. I now was going back to GA but starting fresh and without a car.. LE damn SIGHHH! My sister found a place for me and sold her car so that I could pay the rent. I began to build myself back up- stumbling here and there but again- no one thought to ask if I needed anything but my mom and my male best friend mom.. No one else!

Jump forward 6-7 years- one more failed relationship and another coming to Jesus moment; things began to shift for me. After breaking up with the most recent ex who put me soooo deep into debt trying to be a provider for the both of us- and getting NOO help- I prayed the day we broke up and went to work. When I arrived to work I seen a coworker and I never do the extra talking and tolerate courting on the job but something was different. We talked, laughed and decided to hang out. I prayed for God to send me someone who would appreciate me, love me, build with me and help me when I needed even though I never ask. Again, the next day after that prayer LOVE stumbled into my life. I have never felt that my previous courters were the one but when your lonely and depressed any company is good company. This thing I got going on now if the epitome of what a relationship should be and I finally have someone who is an all-around supporter we are a WE, US, Them!

As things lined up so did my finances. I paid bills off attained more credit and had already gotten another car a year prior with an interest rate of 17.08 % (Please, let’s save that for another blog). I was finally on track and my credit scores, FICO showed it. I began to shop for myself which I would always feel foolish for doing. I took trips, I got my hair done on occasion and I SAVED. As the world turned- lol, the hands began to open and ask but this time around although gradual, I said NO. Well maybe not- no (I had to work my way into this NO- thing). Phone calls died down but then my mom and sis hit hard times, my dad was extremely Ill and I was about to undergo a panniculectomy. The world began to spin again for me.. Feeling conflicted. Until I sat down and had a talk with my SELF- I decided that I would be of no use to anyone if I didn’t take care of myself first. As I always say”two broke people can’t do anything for one another but LOVE” in MY opinion.  I stuck to my guns- but giving only when I had an abundance and I felt good about it. I remember speaking to someone and describing how hard I had it and that my internet was going to be cut of and I didn’t have any way to access my online school PLUS it was the final week- This person said “yeah.. I’ve been there” and began to talk about something else.. It cut to my core!!! I would ALWAYS give this person my last but when I needed I was simply told I’ll get over it.

My heart occasionally bleeds for those that need whom, I love dearly and I truly have paid all my bills and haven’t a damn dollar to give- but, just as I have had to live through- God only puts the heaviest load on his angels because others cannot bear it.

I realized that I didn’t need anyone to help me but RI. I know I may have hard times BUT they won’t last forever.

OPRAH- has said it best- JUST SAY NO!!! learn to say NO! The harsh reality of being an adult as my uncle said to my mother during her rough patch “Nobody has to do shit for you”

If you’ve made it- this far on my post- Thank you!! I tend to jump all over the place.

 

The long and the short of this is

LEARN TO SAY NO.

GET YOUR FINANCES IN ORDER

AND WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF- first…

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